Monday, April 16, 2007

Week 14 ~ Reflections


Well, it's been about three and a half months since I started back at pulmonary rehab maintenance. This has been such a positive experience that I have to share with you how much it has meant to me.

At the end of last year, I was staying home way too much. I didn't have the energy to go anywhere or do much of anything. I did what was absolutely necessary to get by and nothing more. I needed money and went to my part time job but wasn't really getting into it like I wanted to. I cancelled on a couple of classes because I didn't feel well. I was very depressed and thought I was quite the failure and thought alot about my life and how disappointed I was that it ended up with a chronic disease and nothing to do about it. I didn't stay in touch very well with family and friends and I even didn't attend a family wedding. I knew that if I could just get motivated, maybe there was hope for me to have a better life, but didn't persue it. I made half-hearted attempts to exercise at home but never followed through. I lived in my mind and that was a horrible mistake because I always saw the cup as half empty rather than half full.

When I was at my wit's end, I contacted the pulmonary rehab that I had attended in the past and asked if I could come back in the maintenance program. I didn't think it would be a problem but I was told that all vacancies were filled and that it would be quite a while before any spots would be open. I accepted this and it fed into my defeated attitude that I couldn't get better.

BUT, I got a call at the end of December that a new program was being added for the folks who were on the wait list to get pulmonary rehab maintenance. It was to start January 9. The news hit me like a ton of bricks - a second chance! I savored it. I looked forward to it. I saw it as a new beginning and a way to be accountable to someone or something like I couldn't be to myself.

The past 3 months have been slow going but with phenomenal results for me. I feel better, I want to do more, I CAN do more. The more I accomplish, the more I want to go forward. As I feel better, I get out more, and that has been instrumental in lifting the veil of depression that has clouded my mind for so long. I see family and friends again and I haven't cancelled out of one session in the last class of CNA's. I am more involved in life around me and want to do more to give back.

I cannot say enough for pulmonary rehab and an exercise program. For me, it was life altering. I look forward to each Tuesday and Thursday when I can join other people like me who need exercise to live. My comrades, mes amies, my lifeline to hope. I cherish the hope that I can be better, live better and be a better person.

I found all of this at pulmonary rehab!
~Eileen

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your experience is so inspiring Eileen. You have shared feelings that most of us with a chronic disease have felt. You once said,
"the more I do,the more I want to do". I think you are so right and that the opposite is also true, the less you do, the less you want to do and the more we isolate ourselves. I am happy for you that you now have such a fulfilling life full of hope and promise.
Dee

Breathing Better Living Well said...

Thank-you Dee! Your comments and encouragement mean a lot to me.

Anonymous said...

I am so pleased to hear how well you are doing Eileen and impressed with the progress you are making. You are living prof that exercise enables us to live fuller healthier lives.