Journey to recovery

When I get discouraged, I have to remember how far I've come from a year ago. I am able to do just about everything for myself now and rely only a little on outside help. For me, this return to independence has been very uplifting, and I have learned so much over the course of this past year.

I have always been comfortable with being by myself, and prized my privacy. However, I had to let go of most of my privacy by allowing others to come into my home to help me out. I had to leave my door unlocked so that they could get in, and people were coming into my space many times a day. My life became an open book. At first this was very difficult to deal with, but over time I became used to it, and even enjoyed the diversions during the day.

Allowing others into my world held some really great rewards for me. The first was that I had to reach out to others and actually ask for help. For someone as fiercely independent as I am, it didn't come easily, but it helped me to learn that it is not a sign of weakness to ask for help, and that people actually WANT to help and it gives them a good feeling in doing so.

I have a tendency to isolate myself and spend long periods alone with just my thoughts. This is a dangerous place to be. Not being allowed to isolate was another reward for me. When you're alone, and your thoughts tend to gravitate toward the negative, they can spiral downhill rapidly without someone to counter those thoughts. I have received enormous amounts of support from family, friends and therapists during this past year. Just having them around has been a constant source of light in my life. The big surprise for me was that I am not quite the loner that I thought I was!

I know I will continue to have challenges and disappointments on my journey to recovery, but I will also lean on the people around me and learn many more life lessons along the way.

~Eileen