Thoughts

June was not a stellar month for me. While I tried to keep up exercising at home, I didn't make it many days to rehab. Oh, I had a million excuses not to go. All were legitimate, but you cannot imagine the guilt that I heaped on myself! Well, maybe you can. But I'm going to let the guilt go, and write about my feelings, Deep Thoughts, as Dee would call them.

I've been thinking a lot about the toll that COPD takes on us: emotionally, physically and financially. I feel that I am blessed and I feel that I am cursed. Most days more blessed than cursed. But it's a balancing act to maintain an equilibrium with illness and health.

I've always been a very active, healthy person. Even now, I am in good health , except for these lungs of mine. Oh, and my weight, but that's another story: I have terrible eating habits. Over the years, as my work life became more stressful, my exercising fell by the wayside. I was exhausted at the end of the day and I would want nothing more than to read a good book or watch TV to be distracted from what were becoming very draining days emotionally. I wish I knew then how important exercising is to both lung health and stress. But, I didn't, and I think that contributed to my lung decline. I certainly have to make exercise a major part of my life now, to be able to have a quality of life that I can live with. Exercise also helps me to beat depression, which is what I would surely be all the time if I didn't get my endorphins moving around that brain of mine.

So these are the kinds of things I've been thinking about. I miss going to rehab and plan to get back into the routine this month. Another balancing act is looming as I try to fit in the rehab program and my work schedule. I work part-time, and some months are busier than others. July brings a new class of nursing assistants for me to teach, and for them to teach me that I can still be a meaningful member of life, which is more blessed than cursed.

See you at the gym!

~Eileen