Pride followed by Grace

I realized that there is more that I want to say. It is only marginally related to pulmonary rehab but I think it's important as I'm making myself healthier to continue to be independent.

My sister called me today. We talk almost every day but today impacted me so much. A few weeks ago, she came over to visit. Once she got here, she saw that my dishes were dirty all over the counters and the litterbox was overdue for a cleaning, and the floor needed sweeping. She said to me "Eileen, I know you don't want me to do this, but I am going to do it anyway." As I cried in the livingroom ( I really did, like a baby), feeling helpless and needy, she did all of my dishes and the litterbox and swept the floor. I tearfully thanked her and we went on to have a good visit. I had really needed help with my housekeeping and I was so very grateful for her help, but I was actually physically unable to ask her for it.

Today, when we talked, she told me that she would like to come and help me out some more. She told me that she had felt so good that she was able to do something for me, and even though I cried, it was too good a feeling not to do it again. SHE made ME feel like I was doing a favor for her. Go figure. She was sincere, too. She then told me if I could physically stop her, she wouldn't do it. We had a good laugh over that.

My friends at BBLW kept telling me that some people need to do for others, and my sister is one of those people. But I couldn't accept it while I was wallowing in selfpityland under the influence of toomuchprideism. I see where my inner work lies...

But I think I'm recovering now and I will look forward to having my sister come over and help me out. What a gift she has given me and I pray that I will have the grace to accept it.

Thursday, August 23

I just wrote and then deleted two long paragraphs about why I didn't go to rehab today. I deleted them because there just isn't an excuse good enough not to attend rehab. 'Nuff said.

Tuesday August 21

I was so happy to have my friend Gail with me today when I went to rehab! I had topped off my O2 tank, which I really should not have done, and by the time we got to the hospital, it froze up. I walked from the parking lot to the lobby with just a dribble of oxygen making it through the canula, and my O2 sats were 84%. I was kicking myself because topping off the tank is a sure way to freeze the works up. I usually use my own tank when at rehab, and I wanted to make sure that I had enough. So Gail had to wheel me into the rehab room. I laughed all the way because she was going 65 MPH to get me to some oxygen, and we were flying past everyone in the halls. Everyone must have thought I was on my way to delivery... When I stopped laughing, I told her that it was ok not to panic because just by being still and breathing, my sats would come up. We both had a good laugh talking about the looks on the faces that we sped by.

I got hooked up with a rehab tank and my sats came right up to 95%. I was feeling tight in my chest and achy all over so I figured I would take it easy today. I started on the Nu-step and did 20 minutes, and 1,700 steps. After a rest, I did the UBE. I did 18 minutes on that one. Then on to the TM. I did 10 minutes today at .9mph. Not very good, but at least I got that 10 minutes in. My blood pressure was good today, 124/71 and my sats ran around 95-96%.

If my chest still feels tight tomorrow, I will call my doctor and run in to have him listen to my lungs. Just to be safe. But I really think that it will be fine tomorrow.

See you Thursday!

~Eileen

Thursday, August 16

The week winds down with me feeling good about how things are progressing. I am seeing good results in my daily life that are directly the result of rehab. I am able to move more freely with less shortness of breath, showering is so much easier, and when I'm moving around, I can use less oxygen. When I got out of the hospital, I was using 5 - 6 liters of oxygen to move around, but now I usually just use 4 unless I'm exercising.

I started out on the Nu-step and pumped away for 20 minutes, completing 1,800 steps on Level 5. Then I went to the TM and did 15 minutes on 1.0. After another rest, I went to the UBE and worked my arms out for 20 minutes. My O2 sats were consistently around 95-96 and my pulse didn't go over 120. My blood pressure was still a little high, at 144/88. If it's still up next week, I'll have to call my doctor to see if he wants me to start lasix, a diuretic, again. But I really think it'll be okay.

Once again, after rehab I felt so energized. I worked for several hours in the afternoon and while I'm tired, I still feel better than if I didn't go!

~Eileen

Tuesday - August 14, 2007

Ahhh, the sweet smell of progress! Rehab has felt like it's been going at a snail's pace for the past few weeks; my recovery from pneumonia and this most recent exacerbation has been tortuously slow. But by the end of last week, and more so this week, I have felt better and more able to tolerate movement without disabling shortness of breath.


My friend Gail has been bringing me to rehab since I got out of the hospital and wheeling me from the entrance to the rehab room. Today I walked from the parking lot, into the hospital and to the rehab room by myself. I rested once about half way through. I also walked all of the way back to my car. How sweet it is!


I rested for a few minutes once I got to the rehab room and my BP was 155/87. This is pretty high for me, but I figured the effort of walking in might be the cause. I have a history of high blood pressure, but it's been down since I don't work full time anymore. It was a stressful job and my blood pressure has been good since leaving the job.


First I went to the UBE and worked my uppper arms for 20 minutes. I rested and headed over to the Nu-step. I worked my arms and legs for 20 minutes, and did 1,660 steps on Level 5. Up 5 minutes from last week!


Then on to the treadmill and I finally made it to 15 minutes at .9MPH. Sweet, sweet, sweet! 5 minutes on it had been torture for weeks and now at the slower speed, I am able to do better. This makes me feel so much better about how it's all going!


I can't say enough about being persistent and consistent with trying. I thought I might be in for a decline but it looks like I will be able to come back and even be better if I keep trying and be patient!


Progress, not perfection!


~Eileen

August 9, 2007

While rehab didn't happen on Tuesday because of continued oxygen problems, Thursday was great. There was progress and my oxygen issues have been resolved.

I went for 20 minutes on the UBE without experiencing any muscle burn. For some reason, the time just seems to fly by when I'm sitting there peddling my arms. I'm relaxed and I listen to conversations around me and let my mind just wander wherever it wants to go.

Next was the Nu-step and I did it for 15 minutes, doing 1,200 steps on Level 5. I would probably gone 20 minutes, but there were about 11 of us at rehab and someone was waiting for the machine. For the lot of us there are 4 treadmills, 2 UBE machines, 3 recumbent bikes and 2 Nu-steps. There is also a gazelle and a rower and multiple bikes that are rarely used, at least in our class.

When I went to the TM, I decided to try it slower to see if I could do better and sure enough, I was able to get to 10 minutes. For me this is a huge improvement. I really think that now that I've discovered my speed for now, (1.2 - .9)I will be able to get to 15 minutes next week and who knows from there.

My O2 sats ran around 95-96%, my pulse would get up into the 120's, but the best was my blood pressure which ran around 103/64! My pulse did come down during rest periods and maybe by next week it will be lower still.

I can't wait to see how I do next week!

~Eileen

August 2, 2007

This week has seen improvement! Maybe not much, but it all adds up.

I finally discovered at the beginning of this week that my marathon portable oxygen tank was malfunctioning. For almost a week, I thought it was me. I was short of breath much of the time and had some really terrible episodes of extreme sob when trying to do things. But much to my surprise, it was my tank, not me! It was delivering only a fraction of the O2 I need. I received another tank which is also malfunctioning. Hopefully, this will be reconciled so that I can continue my outside activities.

I didn't go to rehab on Tuesday because it was the last day of class for our current group. But on Thursday, I felt ready and was excited to be going. I only had the small portable Helios 300, but at rehab, I was able to use their oxygen. I walked in this time, rather than being wheeled in by Gail. I was short of breath, but my sats were around 94% when I checked.

First I did the UBE, and was able to do 18 minutes this time. I didn't even feel any burn in my upper arms or forearms, which was a happy surprise. My sats and blood pressure were good after this.

Then I went to the TM, but was only able to do 7 minutes before I pooped out. But it was better than 5 minutes!

The Nu-step was my next machine and I did 15 minutes, another improvement. At the end, my BP was 134/70 and my sats were 96%

It was hot and humid outside, so there weren't as many people there as there would normally be. I have discovered that there are a couple of other nurses in the group and we always have something to talk about. Libby was there with her great big laugh which I always enjoy and several others that are becoming such a big part of my life. Janet has broken a couple more ribs coughing, which is distressing to her. She's such a little bitty woman and I'm sure that has something to do with it. She also has osteoporosis which contributes to her fragile bones but she doesn't miss many rehab days and is an inspiration to me.

The foundation that I work for has obtained a grant to develop a program to bring free home visits to certain COPD patients and Rose, who runs the pulmonary program and I are very excited about getting it going. She will be a great referral source for us, knowing the rehab patients as well as she does.

I'm looking forward to next week and moving even more!

~Eileen